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Post by rad on Aug 30, 2010 10:24:30 GMT -5
I don't think you need to reply to them all; we're all essentially saying the same thing - you are brilliant, your work is brilliant, there's nothing wrong with wanting people to like it but we're a little concerned about what worrying over the stats does to you. And we love you and we love your work in case the emphasis on that has missed you. You're amazing.
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Post by Stacy on Aug 30, 2010 12:56:19 GMT -5
OMG - I read your post on my Blackberry and had to call John and ask him why I was scared of my VSS peeps. He said I was a crazy lady. And I am. From now on, I swear on Seth to not be scared of you guys. Off to take a tour now, whee! Yay I appreciate my current job.
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Post by Stacy on Aug 30, 2010 17:11:20 GMT -5
It is NEVER too late to kill a spider. Kill them all. Whenever you can. Sorry, that was necessary. Um, where were we? Oh, yes. Stacy, you rock. You rock for your determination, your imagination, and your wordcraft. And a whole lot more. You know what stats measure? Clicks. They don't measure the reaction of the reader. Was it intense? Was it gutteral? Do they still think about your story every time they see a flashlight or a fireplace or a creepy old abandoned plant? There are no stats to measure that. I am slowly scrolling upward from the bottom of the second page, so you're first. The spider thing reminded me of a story about my first summer at TIP and how my roommate and I won some game using our inside roommate knowledge about spiders. Thank you. You rock too. You're like one of the coolest people I know. And yeah - when I wrote that post and mentioned the girls who read Valley at their Halloween party - that would have been only one click for each update. But it was more than one person reading. I still cry when I think about that - the poster told me about the little girls being all "Is this person a famous author? She should be!" and "Can I come over next week to read the next one?" You're right. It's not the individual clicks that are important.
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Post by rad on Aug 30, 2010 17:23:57 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] You're right. It's not the individual clicks that are important[/glow]. (QFT ;D)
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Post by Stacy on Aug 30, 2010 21:11:23 GMT -5
You can't depend on the numbers for validation. You just can't. I follow work that gets maybe 3 comments per update and it's good, it's very good. Hang on...got to kill a spider...too late, oh well. Your work is really good. It's hard to reach an audience on the net but you know, you really do know, that what you're creating is just incredible. You do know it. I am listening to Battle Without Honor or Humanity from Kill Bill. It's like Red Bull. It gives me wings. Poor little spider. Ooh, what is the story that gets like three comments? I wanna help and read and comment! I get like this sometimes. It just happens. And then, like now, I get over it and realize it's the comments that are important when I need validation. And then sometimes I don't need any validation at all. And then sometimes, again, I need numbers. I don't know. I change a lot. I am many things. Haha - feel like pulling out some Meredith Brooks! And as for knowing that what I am creating is incredible (which thank you so very very very much for that).... This is a safe space, right? Okay. I'll admit, I do know it sometimes. Oh, sometimes I hate my writing and I think I suck and that I'll never be any good. Other times I think I'm learning and getting better and I'm not quite there yet. Other times - like this weekend at the bookstore I was reading Lorrie Moore's new book and I thought "Yeah, I could take her." And I amuse myself by googling stuff about psychology and creativity and reading articles like this. What is a genius?Which yeah it's the crazy omg Shakespeare didn't write his plays people, but I've read Winner's book and she is legit, even if the way they're using her may not be. And I read through the paragraphs about creators and their childhoods and personalities and I notice how I fit every damn one, down to losing a parent in early childhood. So yeah. Thank you so much for being awesome and cool and for writing so well yourself - you know how much I enjoy your and Gail's work. *hugs* Oh by the way - if one of our esteemed guests decides to make a secret out of this post - thank you for the future traffic. I need it. And I already know I can get all arrogant and impressed with myself on occasion, thanks. If it helps, on other occasions I know that I am not a special snowflake, but am in fact the all singing all dancing crap of the world. God I need to read Fight Club again soon.
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Post by mountainshade1 on Aug 31, 2010 18:51:43 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] You're right. It's not the individual clicks that are important[/glow]. (QFT ;D) (QFT x 2 ;D)
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Post by meowzbark on Sept 1, 2010 15:50:36 GMT -5
This isn't really connected to 10, but I need to express it and don't really know where else I can say it - don't want to spam up LJ with three posts in one night. I FUCKING HATE SIMSECRETSSSS!!!!!!!! There. I feel better. So I got a referral from the members page of simstorytellers, and I went to check it out and it had the recent updates of SST members. Two of them mentioned SimSecrets. I made the mistake of clicking on the link. Oh god. I don't care if people post complimentary stuff there - it's still anonymous and it's still the fucking hellhole of the internet. When the page loaded my heart started racing and I started breathing faster. Kind of like seeing the slicers at Harris Teeter after quitting Arby's. So yeah. I feel all icky and nasty and dirty and slimy now, and I used to be sort of friends with someone who was going on about the secrets complimenting her and now I pretty much hate her. And anyone else who would even look at that shithole. Which includes some close friends, but how close can I be to you if you're that covered in evil? I'm stepping away from the internet now. TBH, its like reading the enquirer. Good news/bad news...if you're someone who is active in the sim community there's a high chance you'll end up there. Which is why I read it. It's a great source to find out stories that people love and love to hate. A lot of times I'll end up on sites I didn't know existed just become someone hated on a legacy or person. Sometimes I like. Sometimes I hit the X button in the corner. I really don't like the comments on the end. That I refuse to read. That's what really makes that site trashy, IMHO.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 1, 2010 21:36:01 GMT -5
Am making art with words. Will be social later. So if I owe you PMs or emails or replies to replies to my posts, will do it later.
Meowzbark - I'm over the worst of the anger. I still have my boundaries, though. I will not go there. I will not participate on forums where there is a thread discussing it. I will not interact with people who look at it and talk about it unless I know I can trust them and/or we're interacting in a space I consider safe, like here. And even here, I'm paranoid about the guests sometimes.
I get that people who have not had the experience I've had with it might not feel the same. But to me it's traumatizing and it's toxic and it's not good and it fucks with my head, and it's best that I stay away.
It's like - I looked up the psychological effects of being stalked, and it's sort of like a very very very extremely mild version of that. I mean - it was obsessive and scary, and it did feel like nowhere was safe and like everything I said and did was being watched.
I remember looking at the blog stats page and just feeling all creepy crawly, like all the clicks were just people making fun of me, hating on me, scrutinizing every word for something to put up for public ridicule. And I had just lost a very close and dear friend because they would not leave me alone, because they would not give me one space of my own, one space that wasn't constantly watched.
And then I considered the delete button and clicked "hide this blog" instead and went and hit delete on everything else.
I came back, but I still don't feel really safe. I still feel that creepy crawliness sometimes. And talking about it, hearing about it, reading the LJ posts and comments by people who I know read it - it all makes me uncomfortable. And when I was stupid and clicked on the link and actually went there, it really opened up old wounds.
They've started to heal up again, and although I think writing all this out helped I would appreciate not talking about it again.
And I know some people might say that if you don't want that sort of attention, you shouldn't advertise your stuff like I did.
In my defense, there's a hell of a lot I don't understand about other humans and I had never encountered that kind of behavior before. I mean, yeah, people talked about me a lot in high school, but it was all nice things. The whispers I heard in the halls and across the classroom about me in high school actually helped my self-esteem, lol.
There was the one incident sophomore year, but it wasn't the same somehow. For one thing, I knew who was involved - we didn't go in for passive aggressive anonymous bullshit at North Surry.
And also it only lasted a week - my best friend lied about me to our group, they wrote me a rejection letter (right in front of me too - like I said, I knew who was involved), and seven days later I had new and better friends and it was never mentioned again until I got on Facebook last year and some people apologized.
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Post by meowzbark on Sept 2, 2010 18:31:27 GMT -5
I can truly emphasize with how you feel. And since this is the internet and I can claim some annonomy here, I don't mind sharing. I had a bad breakup with an ex years ago. He posted my name, address, phone number, and work place on dating sites and some dirty sites posing as me...and saying some very nasty things. I had coworkers sending me emails asking if it was legit. I had people sending me texts and leaving me messages. He even had people writing to my WoW character...so I had to get a name change. To this day, I don't have a phone in my name. Just last month I had some guy send me a message on facebook in reference to this and I nearly deleted my account. Maybe I'll get a name change IRL soon and then be done with it forever. It's a horrible feeling and I apologize for striking a nerve. No matter what people say about you, you've always been amazing in my eyes.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 3, 2010 22:54:34 GMT -5
I can truly emphasize with how you feel. And since this is the internet and I can claim some annonomy here, I don't mind sharing. I had a bad breakup with an ex years ago. He posted my name, address, phone number, and work place on dating sites and some dirty sites posing as me...and saying some very nasty things. I had coworkers sending me emails asking if it was legit. I had people sending me texts and leaving me messages. He even had people writing to my WoW character...so I had to get a name change. To this day, I don't have a phone in my name. Just last month I had some guy send me a message on facebook in reference to this and I nearly deleted my account. Maybe I'll get a name change IRL soon and then be done with it forever. It's a horrible feeling and I apologize for striking a nerve. No matter what people say about you, you've always been amazing in my eyes. Oh wow, yours is more IRL so that must be much worse. *hugs* You didn't strike the nerve, no worries. I did it to myself, and now I know - I've put brakes on the impulse to click on links to it. The only other impulse I've put brakes on is the one to hide the blog again, lol. And awww - that certainly does help. And as for what they said about me - eh, some personalities just don't mesh well and sometimes people make assumptions about others based on a surface impression of something online and they don't know anything about you as a person. I didn't see most of them, but one that I know about showed a complete lack of reading comprehension - it was saying that I needed to get over myself and that Valley wasn't going to be published. Based on an LJ post in which I had written about thinking about writing a novel version of Valley and trying to get it traditionally published. So obviously the poster had not read my post for understanding and comprehension. Which okay, they were stupid, but then other people made assumptions and said shit based on the secret and not on what I was actually saying in the post. They were also making assumptions about my work without having read it. Shadey backed me up on that one, because she's awesome!
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Post by Stacy on Sept 3, 2010 23:07:34 GMT -5
Turns out I'm too tired to get any work done tonight. But I have found a new 10 song. Video is freaking perfect too. OMG - no version Z on YouTube? Screw that. Vasoline version z - Stone Temple Pilots Also I was thinking about my post on Beth's Friday Thoughts thing, and I realized that another reason I may have trouble with tastes and subjectivity and people not liking my work for reasons other than they think it sucks... Everyone who has ever read my writing IRL has liked it. I mean, for real. So I have no frame of reference for my writing just not being to someone's tastes, because that's never happened IRL. I mean, I can think of relatives who wouldn't get it, but I already know that and so I don't show it to them. The only reading material my brother has in his house is a stack of Reader's Digests, and my mother got the subscription for him. I already know there's no point in trying to get him to read my work, lol. I guess I never had teachers or hung out with/took classes with people who weren't into horror and insanity and angst? This is why having Grace live with us is good for me. We don't have much in common. I don't know if she would like my stuff if she read it, but she might not - she's all practical and realistic and low on sensation-seeking. She likes very boring music, with absolutely no bass or screaming guitars. AND, omg - she says that Requiem for a Dream is boring and overrated. Clearly she is not human. I took this personality/movie taste test a while ago, and that helps too, thinking about your tastes as a result of your personality. Like I am very high on sensation-seeking and catharsis but extremely low on boredom avoidance (I liked how the example for that trait was one of the Transformers movies) and macho-ness. I've been trying to tease out what I think about this - I mean, am I prejudiced and do I make assumptions when I don't read romance, or is that a valid personal taste thing? I want to say valid personal taste, because it's not like I'm coming at it with some social idea about romances being of less quality. Some of my favorite books are romances - Jane Eyre, Jane Austen's work, Gone with the Wind. I guess to compare it to people - it'd be like not hanging out with someone because your personalities don't go well together, not because of assumptions and social prejudices and things. Like - like opening up The Billionaire's Pregnant Sheik's Scandalous Wedding and looking at it and thinking "Okay, maybe not the way I want to spend my time" as opposed to making assumptions about romance as a genre and dismissing it based on things other than the actual content, like ideas about it not being real literature or being for women and therefore lesser or whatever. And I think it's okay to look at a rack full of books that are similar to the one you rejected and decide to reject them without looking inside each one. As long as you remain open to the possibility that you just might find good art inside one of them one day. Yeah - I really do score 100% on openness on personality tests.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 4, 2010 11:44:02 GMT -5
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tesseracta
Full Member
5th Dimensional Spaz
Posts: 122
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Post by tesseracta on Sept 4, 2010 14:41:45 GMT -5
The film personality test was fun! I scored high on Openness and Need for Cognition, and abnormally low for Aggression. : ) The results say that I watch movies for Catharsis, Nostalgia, Escapism, Artistic and Information-Seeking, which is pretty much true! As far as happiness and creativity goes, my thoughts go to the old advice to "write what you know." The best and most moving works involve the whole spectrum of emotion. So people who are unhappy or had sad life experiences have a broader range of life experiences to draw from.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 4, 2010 15:25:24 GMT -5
I think I've figured out why the early death of a parent, moody explosive caretakers, childhood trauma, etc. contribute to creativity. Beautiful Minds: Madness or GeniusThe article is very interesting (one of my half-brothers has schizophrenia), but I linked to the comments specifically 'cause the one about hypervigilance. I have definitely noticed that in myself. Like I drive around all day for my job, and I get over the instant I see a "right lane closed ahead" sign. And I see it as soon as it comes into my field of vision, because I'm always scanning and looking around. And then other people try to cut in later and my natural reaction is to think "Asshole, you saw the sign a while ago" but maybe they really didn't? And with sharing my crazy dinner conversations lately - all of them make use of something in the immediate environment that probably other people wouldn't have noticed. Of course, this translates into my trouble with understanding filters. Because I don't have much of one. John says that there's so much information that you have to filter some of it, but that makes me really uncomfortable. There's positive and negative reasons to try and be aware of everything - if you filter stuff out, you might miss a threat. Like actually just yesterday at work my non-filtering saved me from an accident - the car in the other lane didn't see me and was veering my way, and because I saw it in time I could take evasive action. (Heh, I also saw the driver clap their hand over their mouth when they realized they almost hit me.) Also, if you filter too much out, you're going to miss a lot of beauty and goodness and wonder. And I think that started pretty early on too - my mother says that my father noted that I was very alert and seemed to be aware of what was going on from birth. Also, notice the comment from the person who talks about making assumptions about what people are feeling based on their body language and voice tone and not believing it when other people tell them they're wrong. John would laugh in recognition of that. And I did note the word "paranoia" in their comment too. OMG, I am Seth. I think in that long ass reply in the 10 story thread I said something about Seth being all about thinking that he has control but the world appears very scary and chaotic to his subconscious. And of course I saw myself and Seth in that what is genius article I linked, with the fear of the void left by death and the need to gain control over an unpredictable universe. Life is One Long SlacklineI need clicks and comments because they give me a sense of control. One two three four. And I need my writing, because I know... I learned in first grade that life is unpredictable and meaningless, that one day you can be all happy and making gravy in the kitchen and the next day you have a heart attack and die. Or you can wake up to a normal day, with your father washing your face before you go off to school, and come home to never see him again. It started before then, though. I was five when I first had that feeling - actually it was at a gas station, lol, and I remember the smell and the car and the gas pump - that...that I am me, and this is all I will ever be, and life is an elevator stuck between floors, and sometimes I really do not want to be here. I doubt I would have expressed it in those words at five, but the emotion - I remember it so clearly. And I feel it again, every once in a while - the emptiness and the meaninglessness of things and the limitations of being human, of being this sack of skin and water that will one day cease functioning and decompose. I am reminded of a Lady Gaga quote I read recently - "Art is a lie, and every day I kill to make it true." Haha, I used the quote this article starts with in that ill-fated LJ. After the Show: The Many Faces of the PerformerAlso ties in with the Bitch song and the point I was making with it. Essentially - it is good and right for me to be obsessive about writing, to want to be a literary rock star, to care about comments and clicks and recognition. Because this is who my genes and experiences have made me. And I really get Ellen Winner's work now. Like really. Trauma motivates creative expression, the need to overcome the fear and the uncertainty. Trauma makes you more aware, less filter-y, and thus provides the raw material for creative expression. And you need to have a base level of mental ability to be able to use the extra information that you process, so that it doesn't drive you insane, so that you can make something with it. When I was working at Arby's and for a while after starting my current job, I felt like I was in prison, like there was a thin layer of glass between me and the universe. I could see it, but I couldn't touch it. And I did not like that, and that was part of why I couldn't write then. I need to touch and see and hear and taste and feel the universe, and take it into myself. Then I turn it into words. Finger vomit. That's why I call writing finger vomit. It's regurgitating the universe.
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Post by rad on Sept 4, 2010 16:15:31 GMT -5
Ooh I also came out as high openness and need for cognition in the test, and high on catharsis and average on everything else for my reasons for watching. I have a friend who is generally happy and upbeat and she likes pretty much everything at the pictures, even films everyone else thinks are dreadful. I wonder what her results would be. I need clicks and comments because they give me a sense of control. ... Essentially - it is good and right for me to be obsessive about writing, to want to be a literary rock star, to care about comments and clicks and recognition. Because this is who my genes and experiences have made me. I'm just quoting these bits because the rest of it is great, makes sense, articulates things very well, but these two bits... The first is interesting, because the clicks and the comments are the one thing you can't control. You can't decide if you get 1 or 10 or 100 or 1 million. So to give you a sense of control does that mean they have to meet a particular number or ceiling that you have set for yourself? Are you able to admit you can't control how many hits you get, how many people will buy your book or borrow it from a library? Does your art transcend that? (I think so but do you? Can you be satisfied with your work if the number of people who see it isn't the magic number you have in your head?) The second thing... I'd take issue with you (or anyone) saying that what we become because of our genes and/or upbringing is right and good. Good things come of our genes and upbringing of course, but so do many bad things. Just because something is almost inevitable because of our background doesn't make it right and good (in my opinion). I don't think wanting people to like your work is bad; I do think obsessing over your stats is a bad thing and potentially damaging to you. I don't think wanting to be a famous writer is bad, I do think pinning all your value on it is. I think striving to work hard and do well and desiring to be liked is great. I think you are great. I think the need to be loved and adored and admired by as many as possible (note I say need here, not want - the latter's not so bad but the former seems to drive you sometimes. Maybe that's a little harsh, I don't mean to be cruel, I am just very concerned about you) is incredibly damaging to you and you need to keep requoting yourself from a few days ago about the clicks not mattering. What you write is beautiful and eloquent and evocative. You know it, we all know it. What you said about writing shows it. But please, please, write because of that need, that passion, that drive, that desire, that talent. Sure, dream big dreams, hope people will read it, hope you will be recognised and your work will be loved. But make these things a hope, a desire and a dream, not the thing you need to keep you going.
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Post by meowzbark on Sept 4, 2010 17:29:19 GMT -5
I enjoyed that test too. I scored highest on Need for Cognition and Core Self Evaluation. And low for Conformity...no surprise there.
I watch movies for Catharsis, Agression, Escapism, Artistic, and Socialism. Very true. Dark and violent like my legacy. Heh. I love the dark movies for myself but I'll suffer through any movie with a friend. My boyfriend watches the same movies on sattelite: Count of Monte Cristo, American Pie 2, Rush Hour 2, and Obsessed. If these movies are on ANY channel...he'll watch them. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. I told him we should cancel tv and just buy the movies. Save money.
As far as books, I'm very selective in a book store. I only pick from the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section and read at least a chapter before I buy. I don't judge by the cover. If I'm in a thrift school, I'm more open and will read romance or dramas. If I'm left alone with just one book, I'll read it. Don't care how bad it is if I'm bored.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 4, 2010 22:27:40 GMT -5
Will read and reply to people's posts later - am trying to write 10.07, omg. But I just had to share this. John showed it to me. OMG. Cardigan Venn Diagram
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Post by thelunarfox on Sept 4, 2010 23:52:41 GMT -5
OMG, I took a sip of soda before clicking the link. Nearly choked. LOL! Wow, it's like they know Seth.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 5, 2010 17:52:33 GMT -5
Found the groove. Am writing. Am in the dark.
Going far down. 10 isn't for kids, kids.
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Post by rad on Sept 5, 2010 19:05:41 GMT -5
OMG, I took a sip of soda before clicking the link. Nearly choked. LOL! Wow, it's like they know Seth. Ditto. That's awesome!
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