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Post by Stacy on Sept 5, 2010 19:17:43 GMT -5
OMG, I took a sip of soda before clicking the link. Nearly choked. LOL! Wow, it's like they know Seth. Ditto. That's awesome! Yay!!!!! I love you guys! *hugs Lunar and Rad*
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Post by Stacy on Sept 6, 2010 19:14:24 GMT -5
Am doing research and editing what I wrote yesterday, and I still have a lot left to write. Gonna be a couple more days, probably.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 7, 2010 22:45:55 GMT -5
Read the draft over and over. Edited a tiny few nitpicky things - well, that's the wrong adjective. Way I write, every word matters. Every nit has to be picked. Realized yesterday while reading the draft that some people may not read 10 because you have to pay attention to every word, you can't just skim it. And people like to skim, especially online. Read the draft some more. Brought out the nuclear playlist. beautiful lettersFinally, finally, at 11 p.m., the words came. And now, 45 minutes later, I have to stop and go to bed. The thing is, though - I know from my vacations that I'd probably be more lazy than I am if I didn't have a full-time day job. I think I need to know that my writing time is limited to get the motivation to write. But well - the other side of that is that my writing time is limited. It's going to be a few more days. I promise it will be worth it, though.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 8, 2010 19:45:30 GMT -5
I do not expect anyone to reply to this. I feel like - like I'm all needy and stuff and you guys are tired of putting up with that. So don't nobody feel obligated to say anything. I suck. Like so much. 10 sucks. Nothing is ever good enough. Never ever ever. I want...all I have ever wanted is to write music in prose form. Music like Beethoven's symphonies, like Requiem for a Dream, like Radiohead's Fake Plastic Trees. And I always fall short. I always fall short of who I want to be, what I want to do, what I'm about. I feel like lately I'm scaring you guys off. I just want... I don't know. I've been thinking and reading. Like always, right? Like...I called my mother earlier and my part of the conversation was just noises to sound like I was listening. Same as when my brother calls. And with both of them, part of it is that if I tried to talk they would have trouble hearing me and wouldn't understand. Another part is that we have nothing in common to talk about. I just wish... I don't know. It hurts when I don't have enough information coming in, when there's not enough activity. I don't know if I can write right now, because my brain is starving. This is why I like huge always active forums, like Democratic Underground. But then that got to the point where there was hardly any input worth it, because it was all upper middle class "liberal" people who were way more interested in what Old White Dude A said about Old White Dude B on some cable talk show than in ethics and social justice. Found a spin-off forum, supposedly with posters who were annoyed with the mainstream conformist path DU had taken. Yeah. All they wanted to do was gossip about DU. Found a big active Buddhism forum once. It was all ex-Christians trying out something trendy. All dogmatic, conforming, more focused on stupid little specifics than the actual philosophy. Last straw there was a post in which someone actually said that people deserved to be poor because of sins in their past lives. I've tried out several writing forums. It's all people talking about query letters, about what publishers want, about fucking conforming to some corporation's fucking formulas. I just... It's like when I tried to talk to John about the idea of lit pop and he just totally shut down on me. Or when I tried to talk about my hatred of categories, of filters, and he just got upset and defensive. I want to go somewhere where everyone knows my name. And they're always glad I came. I should go watch some Cheers. And really, this place is the closest I've come to that. This is where I fit in the most of anywhere. I love you guys so much. I'm sorry if I've been annoying or too needy. Off to try and write some. Which in those few sentences just before bed last night, a new insight came up and I saw something in the blood imagery that I hadn't seen before. I'll try running with that and see if it gets me anywhere.
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Post by dbloveshermac on Sept 8, 2010 20:29:19 GMT -5
You're not too needy. You're very thinky. I like that.
Stace!!!!! (said in the tone of "Norm!")
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Post by Stacy on Sept 8, 2010 22:56:32 GMT -5
You're not too needy. You're very thinky. I like that. Stace!!!!! (said in the tone of "Norm!") Yay thank you!!! *feels a little less icky now* And yeah - another personality trait I score high on is "need for cognition". So tonight I'm ending at 771 words. Made some good progress, both in editing and in adding new words. Lots of repeating imagery, but then Seth is particularly troubled in this one. Especially after Caitlyn decided to go and tell him something I wasn't planning on. And because of that, I'm kind of scared for Caitlyn at the moment. Girl doesn't know what she's playing with.
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Post by rad on Sept 9, 2010 4:05:05 GMT -5
I suck. Like so much. 10 sucks. Nope. I don't see any suckiness here. You must be mistaken. The issue isn't striving to be better, that's a good thing. The issue is beating yourself up if you're not at your perceived best. Your work is improving all the time. Accept that, be proud of that and keep spurring yourself on rather than knocking yourself down. Where do you get your ideas? Why not go read something new, maybe some philosophy or history or a book about art? Go visit an old factory (safely) or light a candle and watch the flame, let the movement of it inspire you. I like the idea of us being Cheers bar for internet and sim writers.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 9, 2010 9:51:47 GMT -5
I don't know, it's just - I see people come and they don't post anything anywhere and and I feel like there's something wrong, like I'm pissing you guys off or you aren't happy here anymore or I'm not being a good friend. Which at the moment I can't be quite as social as I'd like, because I need my time and energy for 10.07. So, err - guess I could project that and assume that other people need their time and energy for their own stories and that's what's going on? Anyway - yay Rad! *hugs* I know I'm improving - oh man, Valley seems so horrible and sucky now. I guess that's one way to look at it - early 10 is better than early Valley. I was reading an article yesterday about the difference between prodigies and late bloomers - one example used was Picasso vs Cezanne. It really helped me feel better about a lot of writers and artists being younger than me. I just have a different style and need more time and work more by trial and error. And one advantage - I can still look forward to better work later on, as opposed to looking back on past glory days. LOL at visiting an old factory safely. John pointed out last night that Caitlyn does not have much of a self-preservation instinct, but he also admitted that it made sense for her character. But it was so funny - he was all "She's like hey, I'm gonna take this weird deranged kid to an old factory in the middle of nowhere, where no one knows where I am, the day after he demonstrated that he was easily provoked into physical violence." As for where I get my ideas - from everywhere and everything. It wasn't a lack of ideas last night - I know what I want to do with the chapter now. It was more a lack of stimulation, perhaps? Eh - I got over it and got some decent work done. Hopefully I'll get more decent work done tonight. So I failed at WeSeWriMo. But that's okay - sometimes things just take longer. It took a week to break the block on 10.07 and figure out what was going to happen. Oh, and someone on SheWrites who recently published a book invited me to her author Q & A group on GoodReads for "serious writers and readers". Linked to 10's index in my intro post. And I assured them that I did indeed take writing seriously. I just don't take money seriously, is all.
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Post by rad on Sept 9, 2010 10:02:13 GMT -5
So, err - guess I could project that and assume that other people need their time and energy for their own stories and that's what's going on? Yep, I reckon. I try and post here more than in other forums I visit because it's so small and so lovely, but I am often clicking through forums, skimming them quickly, not having time to participate, never mind that I've barely read any of the stories I follow in the last fortnight, nor played the game. Busy times.
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Post by thelunarfox on Sept 9, 2010 10:12:22 GMT -5
I don't know, it's just - I see people come and they don't post anything anywhere and and I feel like there's something wrong, like I'm pissing you guys off or you aren't happy here anymore or I'm not being a good friend. Which at the moment I can't be quite as social as I'd like, because I need my time and energy for 10.07. So, err - guess I could project that and assume that other people need their time and energy for their own stories and that's what's going on?
That's basically it. Time for the story, though I will admit that lately I've been taking a small break for my retro video game obsession, but I'm trying to force myself to focus and finding all sorts of other things to distract myself with. So you're my inspiration right now. *rolls up sleeves and gets ready to make a cup of fake coffee (aka hot cocoa)* <-- serious face And don't you let yourself think that you're pissing us off. You do piss me off, but only because you don't always believe in your own ability or awesomeness. I think 10 is turning out to be one of the best things you've done, and it only keeps getting better. This is also one of the first forums I try and check everyday, and definitely the one I feel most comfortable in. Even when I'm not feeling social, this is the one forum I come check.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 10, 2010 6:37:28 GMT -5
Just a quick note before getting ready for work....
Sometimes I wonder if people go to 10's index page and don't realize you're supposed to click on the links to read the story.
And I was about to say that if you can't figure out how to navigate the blog when I have gone to great pains to make that as easy and user-friendly as I can, you shouldn't be reading it anyway because you obviously wouldn't understand it.
But instead I find myself going to edit 10's index to say something like "Click on 10.01 and then there will be a link to the next chapter at the end of the page."
Maybe I am learning to suffer fools in the name of more clicks?
Oh - I will reply to you guys later. Just read your post, Lunar. *huggles* You're awesome.
Gayl linked to one of Nathan Bransford's entries on Twitter, and I'm thinking of starting a thread about it here. I disagree with Bransford a lot, but he always posts things that are good for a discussion.
I am sitting on my fingers and trying to not comment on his blog, though. I realized that it probably comes off as trolling. It's just - I mean, mostly people kiss his ass in the comments. So hard. Like this one person in the comments on that particular post was all "OMG, Nathan, 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater' is an awesome line and needs to be in dialogue in a story somewhere!"
If you can't recognize that as an old cliche, then I guess I don't need to read your writing same as you don't need to be reading mine.
Yeah, I'm angry - just woke up from a dream where some sexist dude was getting all up in my face. I don't know.
Anyway - I wanted to stand up for the lack of dialogue tags. I don't want everyone to stop using them. They can be useful. They work for other writers.
But they don't work for me. There's not even any dialogue tags in that My Little Pony fanfic I wrote when I was 18. It's just my style. And it works for me and what I want to do.
I was all "If I write a book one day, I'm sure as hell not querying Bransford with it" and John said "I can see you sending him a copy once it's #1 on the bestsellers list, though" and I was like "Yeah! With 'Fuck you, Bransford' written in it" and he said "No, I see you annotating every page and filling up all the white space to explain 'See? Here I did this thing that you said I shouldn't do."
Oh, oh, and then one of his little ass-kissing drones was all "I think people who don't use dialogue tags just don't know how to use them so they think it's better to avoid it than mess up."
Like it's soooo hard to tack "Seth said" on to a line of dialogue? Like that's harder than making it clear who's speaking without tags? Like that's harder than creating a rhythm and using dialogue as bass that makes your bones vibrate? Like I don't know more about writing than you ever will, because it's too dark for you to read and write and learn up there in Bransford's ass?
Err - off to take a shower now before I'm too horribly late for work.
*whistles*
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Post by Stacy on Sept 10, 2010 9:53:24 GMT -5
Heh - not as angry now. But I'll leave that post the way it is. I have three songs to share! I'll just link to each one instead of embedding them. They're all inspirational, if any of you guys need a little pick me up to help you think "Yeah, that's right, I am an awesome writer, and people who hate on me and think I should do stuff their way need to get out the way!" Which, by the way, if you are ever offended by something I say, I encourage you to get all rage-y about it and use it as fuel to go and write your way and prove me wrong. Far better use of that emotion than making a secret. It's like that story about the music teacher who told his student "Yeah, you suck and you're never gonna make it" so the student gave up and went and became an accountant. And then later he saw the teacher again and was all "Why you be hatin' on me like that?" and the teacher said "Dude, if you really had it in you to make it you would have said 'screw that noise' and gone on and proved me wrong." Err - I'm paraphrasing there. But yeah! Magic - B.o.B ft Rivers CuomoEnvy - Nicki Minaj Still I Rise -Nicki Minaj (this one made me cry) I just found Nicki Minaj. I love her.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 11, 2010 0:41:38 GMT -5
So, err - guess I could project that and assume that other people need their time and energy for their own stories and that's what's going on? Yep, I reckon. I try and post here more than in other forums I visit because it's so small and so lovely, but I am often clicking through forums, skimming them quickly, not having time to participate, never mind that I've barely read any of the stories I follow in the last fortnight, nor played the game. Busy times. Yeah, I figured. I need to work on not taking things so personally all the time. Which I made a huge breakthrough this week! I made a mistake at work, and I was all zen and didn't hate myself and get all anxious!!!! *hugs*
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Post by Stacy on Sept 11, 2010 0:50:57 GMT -5
I don't know, it's just - I see people come and they don't post anything anywhere and and I feel like there's something wrong, like I'm pissing you guys off or you aren't happy here anymore or I'm not being a good friend. Which at the moment I can't be quite as social as I'd like, because I need my time and energy for 10.07. So, err - guess I could project that and assume that other people need their time and energy for their own stories and that's what's going on?
That's basically it. Time for the story, though I will admit that lately I've been taking a small break for my retro video game obsession, but I'm trying to force myself to focus and finding all sorts of other things to distract myself with. So you're my inspiration right now. *rolls up sleeves and gets ready to make a cup of fake coffee (aka hot cocoa)* <-- serious face And don't you let yourself think that you're pissing us off. You do piss me off, but only because you don't always believe in your own ability or awesomeness. I think 10 is turning out to be one of the best things you've done, and it only keeps getting better. This is also one of the first forums I try and check everyday, and definitely the one I feel most comfortable in. Even when I'm not feeling social, this is the one forum I come check. *hugs* I think part of it is that I'm an extrovert in an introvert world. Which I totally thought I was an introvert for most of my life, but umm - obviously I get my energy from social interaction. And I post and talk to people all day whereas John, a true introvert, has posted maybe about 40 posts ever, all on WoW guild forums. Breaks can be good sometimes. I mean, if they start stretching into months and then years, it might be a problem. But a week here and there is good, I think. Awww, thanks. But it's just - I want to be perfect all the time right now! But hey - at least I'm getting better, right? Also, you know what they say - generally people who think they're good aren't. But I think that's not nearly specific enough, because I think you can think you're good sometimes and actually be good. I mean, yeah, if you go around thinking that your work is already perfect you probably won't be motivated to learn and try new things and improve and so I can see that idea there, but well - I think people are allowed to have good self-esteem sometimes. And I do sometimes. I swing wildly between thinking I suck and I'm the worst writer ever and thinking "That's right, one day there'll be a Stacy section next to the Shakespeare section." So, you know. I'm glad you feel comfortable here. *hugs* again
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Post by Stacy on Sept 12, 2010 18:19:57 GMT -5
So today has been a day of realizing how much I've been pathologizing things that are just who I am and how my brain works, and so I'm all accepting and understanding of myself and zen and stuff. Yay! Anyway, omg - check out this thing about perfectionism. Perfectionsim: The Crucible of GiftednessI finished rereading Fight Club. Whoa. I think Chuck Palahniuk and I could hang out and talk shop though - he's got the same short paragraphs and staccato sentences and repeating images thing going on.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 13, 2010 20:26:17 GMT -5
So I was patient and waited and eventually, it happened. 10 was finally listed at Web Fiction Guide. webfictionguide.com/listings/10/So hopefully I can start expanding my non-Sims readership now. It was listed just before I published 10.07 and I've already had 10 referrals from there.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 13, 2010 20:57:56 GMT -5
Jason song! Everything I Do, I Do It For YouAh, Jason. I do miss you and Lilith so - I promise I'm coming back, when I've learned and gotten better and can do you guys more justice.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 13, 2010 22:55:48 GMT -5
OMFG!
OMFG OMG FFF!
I was just looking at the quotes from each chapter on the Boolprop thread (you know, give people a little taste, show them that it may be worth clicking on) and saw...omg.
I love you, subconscious. I love you so much.
What I've got planned for 10.08 - I had no idea how it related to something in a previous chapter. I just now saw it.
OMG - tracing the connections that I totally did not see consciously - so freaking amazing.
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Post by Stacy on Sept 16, 2010 22:09:10 GMT -5
Sometimes, it's hard being an idealist.
That is all.
P.S. Am rereading Beowulf for 10.08 inspiration.
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Post by celebkiriedhel on Sept 16, 2010 22:53:41 GMT -5
I stayed up until 5am this morning reading 10 and In the Valley of the Sun. Don't ever say they suck. I'm not the sort of person who misses sleep for sucky literature.
Actually I think sometimes we need to rethink how we deal with responses to our writing. Because we can't please everyone, we should expect that there are going to be haters. But what would be worse, would be if we got no response at all. Haters and Lovers of our writing means it's had impact, it's made people think for more than a second. And they've had a response that breaks through that barrier of reticence to comment. (Of course, at this point I am completely ignoring trolls who deserve to be ridiculed). That's a powerful impact. Think of all the books, movies, magazine articles, web comics, online blogs that we have never posted on. When we do post it's because it's hit us somewhere - in the heart, head or gut.
And that's always a good thing.
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