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Post by Stacy on Oct 21, 2010 22:43:54 GMT -5
It's been in the news a lot lately, with the recent spate of suicides. So I'd already been thinking about it, and then today I got triggered hardcore about SimSecret stuff. BTW - I've decided to go on a rampage and try to convince people to boycott SimSecrets. I was already thinking about it, and then today I found three other people with stories similar to mine. And now I'm remembering all the other posts I've seen where people have been hurt by hate secrets. If no one pays any attention to the bullies, they won't have any power. If a hate secret gets posted on the internet and no one reads it, does it still hurt someone? I know that a lot of you guys had bad experiences in school. So I guess I wanted to give you an opportunity to talk about it in a safe place if you want, because I find that talking about things helps. I cried some today, remembering the secrets. But then I let all my rage out in a good old fashioned LJ post and now I feel lots better. Oh, you know what really helped? Googling and finding this list of how bullies pick their targets. Why Me?And we can expand this discussion to IRL bullying, other forms of cyberbullying, bullying based on sexuality or skin tone or religion or anything like that. The one question I have been obsessed with for years is: why do humans do things that hurt other living beings? Some people might say that you shouldn't care about secrets, that it's just stupid internet stuff. But words have power. I would think that we would know that more than a lot of other people, being writers. When I was 8 years old, I wrote this in my second grade journal: You know I wish I could make a speech about how people use their mouths for a force against goodness. They don't care about the words they're saying and they keep on using their mouths for a force against goodness. I wish the world was a nicer place to live. When I grow up I'm going across the world making the same speech making the world a nicer place to live. Well, 8 year old Stacy - we took a step towards that today on LJ. It's bed time, so I have to go. But...thoughts? Experiences? Feelings? Theories? Links?
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Post by celebkiriedhel on Oct 21, 2010 23:11:50 GMT -5
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dinuriel
Full Member
Torturing characters? Me? Nooo...
Posts: 374
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Post by dinuriel on Oct 22, 2010 12:13:20 GMT -5
It's definitely an appalling side of human nature, this need some people feel to constantly put others down. Unfortunately, society has always been obsessed with this concept of "better", and kids get exposed to that and start to form their own overly-hierarchal social structures based any stupid little thing they can think of--and then, it continues on into adulthood.
I hope that made sense. I'm not really a morning person.
In any case, it's ridiculous, and it needs to stop.
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Post by thelunarfox on Oct 22, 2010 12:24:02 GMT -5
It's not always a case of "better." Often times the bully has their own issues-- lack of self esteem, mistreatment at home, a feeling of utter worthlessness-- and they act out on it. It's hard to understand a bully.
Wow Kiri. I had a friend who once told me she used to get picked on a lot by a bully in her school, and she did the same thing. One day, she walked into school and spoke to the bully first instead of letting him come to her. I don't remember what she said, but I remember her intent was to make him her friend.
When I was a kid, the one thing I decided to do was to simply ignore the bully. Without attention, they had no power and often were left feeling a complete fool. This didn't work for everyone of course.
But it's the same with Sim Secret. Simply ignoring it rather than giving it any attention is the best way to go. Not good or bad. If someone posts a mean secret about a friend, you can't even go in to defend because that's what the person is wanting. If no attention is given to it, they'll stop because they'll be the ones looking foolish.
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Post by Stacy on Oct 22, 2010 16:35:50 GMT -5
I'm scared. I ain't gonna lie. I'm scared to read your responses here. I'm scared to read people's replies on LJ. But I'm going to do it eventually, because I really believe in this. I've been thinking of ways to answer people's questions - like for instance, if you like the debates that come up in SimSecret, there's actually a Sims debate LJ comm already. If you want to be a bitch, there's sim_rants which is locked and not anonymous. So you can be bitchy to your heart's content in a place where only people who choose to expose themselves to stuff like that will see it. Oh, but you say, Stacy, people choose to expose themselves to SimSecret too. A fair few people hear about secrets that are about them from other sources. The hate secrets are out in public where everyone can see them, and that affects relationships and people's reputations and perceptions in the community. Also, there may be people who are there for the funny pics or stuff like that. ALSO - it's supposedly based on PostSecret. Here you go - www.postsecret.com/Come back and tell me when you find a secret on PostSecret that is personal and hateful and calls someone out by name. Well - there is the one directed at the person who does PostSecret. And yeah, it started the panic reaction for me. Not sure if panic is the right word - I'm claustrophobic. I've had panic attacks in small enclosed spaces. This doesn't feel like that. Maybe because it's more emotional than physical? I mean, it's the whole racing pulse, breathing fast, burning face thing. But not...it's not like the dire OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!!!! like when I let John talk me into a tour of some caverns once. It's like - not as intense short term, but it definitely lasts longer. Like I can get out of a small space and get my breathing under control and be okay. This - this is taking many months to get over. Okay, so we've found the one. I bet there's not a whole lot more though - maybe some more directed at Frank. My beef is with hate secrets. If you like the other sorts of secrets, either make a new secret comm that doesn't allow hate secrets or pressure the mods of the current SimSecret into not allowing them. That is, if you don't want bullying and hate in your community. If you do - if you do then I can't help you and after a while I'll shut up and accept that Sims players are nasty hateful people. But I don't think that's true. I think it's a very tiny minority behind the hate secrets. And I think it's time to tell them that their behavior is not acceptable. I'm going to install GIMP again and make some LOLSeths as public service annoucements. I've been thinking about them all day, omg. Like: "Every time you read a hate secret, Seth pwns a bear. Please, think of the bears." or "Hey kids! Seth says fire is cool! Hate secrets are not cool. Post one, and Seth may come and set your house on fire!" LOL! Err - that one should have a disclaimer about it not being an actual threat, eh?
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Post by thelunarfox on Oct 22, 2010 20:18:58 GMT -5
But I don't think that's true. I think it's a very tiny minority behind the hate secrets. And I think it's time to tell them that their behavior is not acceptable. Er... I really really think you should not. For one, no one likes to be told what to do. Two, you're giving those who are bullies attention which only gives them power. Plus, I don't want you hurt again, and you'd be drawing their attention this way.
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Post by Stacy on Oct 23, 2010 2:32:51 GMT -5
So judging from my stats page, what I was expecting may have happened. May have. Only three referrals from LJ so far and no searches. And I know back in the day when I made it into the secrets it'd be a lot more than that. But hey - that means that if I did make it in, less people read it and/or cared. Which is good news. I was expecting it this time. I hope that if the referrals mean what they used to mean, it starts a discussion about whether or not we want to allow hate in our community. I did some googling last night and found a few fandom secret communities with "no hate secret" rules. We can say that too if we want. Or we can have hate and pain and hurt feelings and possibly permanently damaged people. It's our choice, and I guess my point here is to bring up the fact that we do have a choice, that we don't have to accept the status quo just because that's the way it's always been done. We can change our community if we feel it needs to be changed. So...I don't know if I made it in and I don't want to know, really. I guess I'll be able to tell if the three LJ referrals are a coincidence or not as the weekend goes on, if I get more referrals and searches later today. I hope that if I did, it was the haters hoisting themselves with their own petard. I hope it starts a discussion and that we choose to say no to bullying and hatred.
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Post by mdpthatsme on Oct 23, 2010 17:21:32 GMT -5
Throw a bomb on SimSecrets. Hmm, I have a high enough tolerance for somethings, but never bullies. They found themselves scared when having to deal with me...so they stayed away. If you're very outspoken, there's not much they can torture you about.
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Post by Stacy on Oct 24, 2010 19:39:08 GMT -5
Progress! I got the guts to read what Galatea (which we need to invite her here, I think) said about Valley on her list of favorite blogs.
Now I just need to get the guts to read the responses to my posts on this issue. I will. I WILL. It's just going to take some time and effort.
I also got the guts to read a PM from someone on Boolprop - she's a fan and the only person who comments on 10's Boolprop thread and she's being bullied. I replied to her thread about it and I got the guts to read her PM and reply to it and do my best to help her out.
So I'm getting there. Slowly.
I feel like I'm a horrible person, like I'm a pariah, like I'm weirding you guys out and you don't want to be around me. Is that rational at all, or is it just more of the lovely effects of anonymous hate and not knowing who it is that hates you and thus coming to the conclusion that you are an awful person and everyone hates you?
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Post by mdpthatsme on Oct 24, 2010 20:47:41 GMT -5
Stacy: You made this forum and everyone here loves it. It is a good thing, a wonderful place, which must mean you're a good and wonderful person. Because the place always reflects the person.
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Post by thelunarfox on Oct 24, 2010 23:14:42 GMT -5
Stacy: You made this forum and everyone here loves it. It is a good thing, a wonderful place, which must mean you're a good and wonderful person. Because the place always reflects the person. Well put. Exactly.
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somuchsong
Full Member
...certainement disaster
Posts: 197
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Post by somuchsong on Oct 25, 2010 20:56:58 GMT -5
Looks like they'll be making some changes at SimSecret. community.livejournal.com/simsecret/102242.htmlI hope it cuts down on a lot of the nastiness there. I personally wouldn't like to see that community disappear entirely because some of the nice ones really make me smile sometimes. I've had two addressed to me and they really did make my day. Mostly though, I really love seeing sweet ones directed at people who I admire, even though it's also nice to get an ego stroke now and then!
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Post by laura on Oct 25, 2010 22:33:25 GMT -5
Oh good! (@ new rules at SimSecret) That's great news! See, people do know what's right and wrong after all. Though it's a shame it took so long, and so many people hurt to get there.
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Post by mdpthatsme on Oct 26, 2010 17:32:46 GMT -5
Meh. People are going to use the "fine line" as a weapon now. Saying they weren't attacking the "creator," just the product, but most of the time the product IS apart of the creator. My stories are apart of me, which brings me to another thing, does creator include us writers? Hmm...
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Post by Stacy on Oct 27, 2010 19:39:25 GMT -5
So. I have not looked at this myself. I will, in time. But I would appreciate that being my own time, when I'm ready. So please no giving me information about this that I didn't ask for. However, I have it on extremely good authority (i.e. John has read it) that this is a positive thing. It's a mod post. community.livejournal.com/simsecret/102242.htmlI may be sensitive. I may cry and bleed and get all emo over everybody. But I also have a platform, skill with words, and ovaries of steel. Err - when I'm not being anxious and phobic, that is. Oh, btw - I have to thank someone. Don't know if she wants to be outed or not, though. But I do know she was planning on actually communicating with the simsecret mods. I will say that she is also strong and she also has a skill with words and she also has ovaries of steel. *hugs* Thank you for standing with me. It means more than you can imagine.
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Post by celebkiriedhel on Oct 27, 2010 21:53:50 GMT -5
Ovaries of steel? Muahahahahahahahaha I love it!
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Post by Stacy on Oct 28, 2010 9:49:09 GMT -5
Ovaries of steel? Muahahahahahahahaha I love it! I have heard that I have a reputation for having balls of steel. So I just girled it up a bit.
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