pinkfiend1
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Missing everyone
Posts: 467
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Jan 28, 2011 12:22:38 GMT -5
Ok I realise this is probably the wrong place to put this, but in a way it seems like the best place.
I really need you to be honest.
I need you to be as critical as you want, don't hold back.
I need to knw what you reallty think about everything, my "work", me absolutly everything to do with what you know about me.
Please.
I understand that it's a weird thing to ask, but I really really need to know. Honestly. The harsher the better. I really, really just have to know.
Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top.
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Post by Stacy on Jan 28, 2011 16:11:10 GMT -5
I don't know you as well as I would like, but you seem like an awesome person to me. You're caring and kind and enthusiastic, and personally I am very happy that you are here and I care about you and want to get to know you better.
As for your "work", as you said - I am sorry that I did not comment before you married in Seth. I think it is worthy and good.
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Post by rad on Jan 28, 2011 18:27:33 GMT -5
I think you are amazing. You are hilarious, and as Moon's Daisies shows, you can also do serious and creepy very well. You're incredibly supportive and encouraging to so many people within our community, both here on VSS and beyond.
I think you seem to have a low opinion of yourself sometimes and I really don't know why. I am so pleased to know you.
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Post by celebkiriedhel on Jan 28, 2011 22:00:02 GMT -5
I agree with Rad, I think you under-value yourself (as many people here do). You are a person, who has been friendly, helpful and enthusiastic - and I wish you accepted that about yourself a lot more. One of the things I really like about you - is when I offered to hug you, and you said no, you're not a huggy person. I love that you expressed your opinion, that you didn't just brush it off. And you didn't get nasty either. I felt like I could trust you to tell me the truth I like your writing - it has a lot going for it. (I particularly like your pictures too). I know I don't read it as much as others I read, but that's mostly because I'm not really into legacies. It's a personal preference, not a quality choice. I don't know what the situation is, that has got you feeling this way. But I do want you to consider that maybe, just maybe, the problem isn't in how you are - but in the situation, and the way other people have responded to it. Sometimes people strike out at vulnerable people because they need someone else to express the pain that they are feeling. It may be that you are in that situation. People who don't think well of themselves, often end up being the one who expresses other people's pain. I hope this helps.
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pinkfiend1
Full Member
Missing everyone
Posts: 467
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Jan 29, 2011 20:08:58 GMT -5
I really wanted you to be critical. You know you're the only people who never are? Thankyou forbeing nice. You're being critical would have actually been positive to me right then. I know that sounds stupid. But we we were having a quiet patch at work so I wrote a poem the fist one I've written in years, anyway I wrote onto a bit of scrap paper (it's a charity I didn't want to use nice paper) and dropped it by back because I'm not meant to leave the desk long. Anyway the co-ordinator went round hoovering and not realising the paper was important just threw it in the bin. Of course I couldn't take it out. It would have looked really childish to rummage threw the bin for a bit of a paper, besides which the toilet cleaning rubbish was on top of all that. Of course I couldn't remember it to rewrite it. And I guess I figured if you criticised it all it wouldn't seem like a such a big deal. I think my whole family and any friends I've told personal things to seem to think I've kind of manufactured all my problems, made what they all seem to think are small insignificant things into huge things. It's why parents would be terrified if I moved away or if they even knew I went on the London trips on my own. They'd think that I would do something I promised them I wouldn't do again. And I don't break promises, however much I may have wanted to since then.I'm just a little mucked up, and I think I did help to muck myself up quite well.
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Post by Stacy on Jan 29, 2011 21:14:54 GMT -5
Oh - I can be critical if it's called for. I'm rather infamous for that. Did it earlier today actually. But you've never done anything to call for it. You are a good person. I'm sorry you lost your poem. Another one will come when it's time. And I can so identify with that last bit. I'd give you a hug but Kiri's post reminded me not to. I think - a lot of people don't...really see other people as people, you know? Rather than seeing you and trying to understand you and appreciating you for who you are, they try to fit you into their boxes. So they tell you these things about your problems to make themselves feel better, to quiet their own inner voices. Sometimes we scare other people, and they do what they can to protect themselves and to avoid their own fear. I'm a little mucked up too. I honestly don't think there is a person in this world who isn't mucked up to some extent. I value your honesty about your mucked-up-ness. I think if we were all honest about it, if we all brought it all out into the open, it'd heal better and faster and we wouldn't hurt others and muck them up so much in our attempts to deny our own mucked-up-ness. Thank you for this thread, and for your presence here. I value you.
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Post by rad on Jan 30, 2011 7:18:03 GMT -5
I think we'd all be gutted if the poem thing had happened to us, too.
I think you have so much potential and I wonder if you're scared of showing it, for fear people wil reject it or ridicule it. But you need to know this is a safe place for you and if you want to share snippets or poems or anything else here, we'll read it, and if you want it critiquing, you know where to place it.
Sounds like you could do with some good IRL friends to chat to or have fun with - do you have anyone like that?
If you're ever 'oop north' I'd shout you a pint x
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pinkfiend1
Full Member
Missing everyone
Posts: 467
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Jan 30, 2011 12:27:18 GMT -5
I lost all my friends pretty much. It was all my fault. I just didn't talk or email them or anything for a very long time. I wouldn't even reply if they emailed me or texted or whatever. Everything collapsed after I failed uni, and I didn't want to talk to anybody, and I felt like I never had anything interesting to say, and by the time I realised what I'd lost it was pretty much too late. I half have 2/3 back. One of them is in Bristol, one in Reading, the other is here, but she is so busy with her college course and a part-time job at the weekends. Besides I'm a much better person on here than in real life.
Everything will be better when I get a job and loose weight. My parents will stop insulting me, I'll have money, and it will be so much easier to get a boyfriend then. Then it will be easier to work on the other things, I could learn how to read music, maybe play an instrument and maybe just maybe someday I could write a musical. I think that's the dream now, write a musical, and work in theatre, although it's a ridiculously hard thing to get into, stage managing is decidly patchy about employemnt so producing may be a better more secure side to go into, because I really need the security. Although it does scare me because new musical very rarely succeed or even get shown at all, besides if I work in theatre it makes it harder to go to shows unless you're producing which is a more 9-5 job. Well talk is cheap actucally putting it into practice is much harder.
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Post by rad on Jan 30, 2011 13:03:53 GMT -5
Losing weight won't make any difference to anything (aside from self-esteem and maybe health, depending on how much you need to lose). I don't say that to be harsh and say don't lose weight, just that you shouldn't look on losing weight as any kind of magic ticket to happiness. I agree getting a job would help, but I know it's not always easy to find one.
Is there a drama group near you anywhere? That'd be the perfect place to get to try out production, stage management etc on a smaller scale, and you could meet new people. Is there any way you can continue studying, if not for another degree, then for an HND or similar? I think if you can get into regular activities, be that paid for work, studying or activities that are for fun, that might help.
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Post by celebkiriedhel on Jan 30, 2011 19:51:06 GMT -5
If your parents are insulting - take it from me - losing weight won't change that, they'll just use another 'failing' to attack. This is not a problem with you - it's a problem with their parenting skills.
Getting a job will help with money, for certain. But it will take away time, and add different stresses. It's not something that's going to solve all your problems.
Doing something like that just doesn't, I'm sorry to say. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
That being said, there IS plenty that you can do to help yourself and achieve some sort of happiness -
Following your dreams:
Joining amateur dramatics/musicals is a great way of getting your foot in the door. Volunteering at a theatre, showing your face and getting known just by being around is the way of building up networking. Most jobs are about who you know, not what you know.
Getting Help:
Making an effort to communicate with people is really hard - especially when you're feeling depressed (which is what it sounds like when you failed Uni). If you're not feeling that much better than when Uni ended, it's worthwhile going to a GP and mentioning it. If UK is anything like Australia, you can get some talk-help at a reduced/nil cost under the NHS. If they suggest anti-depressants, give it a good thought - they can be a pick-me-up that you didn't realise you needed, until you took them.
Building up relationships with people who care:
Depending on the quality of your relationship with those people who are no longer in your life, speaking honestly and telling them about how bad you were feeling can lead to a restoration of the friendship. The worst that can happen is that they tell you to sod off, but given that the relationship is already gone, there's not a lot to lose.
But the best way to move forward is to make new relationships - with people who have similiar interests to you. Joining a writing group, what Rad suggests, or some other group is a good way of doing that. Also another one to consider - combining health, fun and socialisation - dance classes are also pretty cool. We've got a thing called Zumba here which is a combination of exercise and latin dance. No partners needed, and people have fun no matter what size, shape or fitness level they are.
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Post by rad on Jan 31, 2011 7:22:04 GMT -5
What Kiri said is very good advice. As well as sports/drama/writing groups, a book club might also be good. We love you!
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pinkfiend1
Full Member
Missing everyone
Posts: 467
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Jan 31, 2011 18:37:48 GMT -5
Why does everybody think that my deluding myself is a bad thing? It's very positive in my head atleast. I know losing weight and getting a job won't fix everything, but they will make it a darn site easier to fix everything.
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Post by rad on Jan 31, 2011 18:45:08 GMT -5
Because we've all either deluded ourselves at one time or another, or had people close to us that did?
There's nothing whatsoever wrong with getting a job or losing weight as long as you're not pinning all your hopes on those things alone. There's so much you can do as well as those things. It really does sound like you need some new activities in your life to give you some new interest and new people. Being at home so much, especially if things at home are hard, can be a bit suffocating.
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