I GET IT!!!! And I LOVE you guys!!!!

[Stacy]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!

Okay, so tonight we went to the used bookstore, and I went to look at the writing books.

And I found The One Writing Book To Rule Them All.

If You Want To Write, by Brenda Ueland

It's The Tao of Writing for adults!!! It's...OMG.

It explained everything! And no, I haven't gotten to page 20 yet. By page 4 I saw it all...the whole universe laid out in beautiful shining droplets.

First! OMG - I chose my regular non-writing playlist for this, and this was the first song to come up. So appropriate, omg.

Life Is A Highway - Tom Cochrane

This was the last song at my junior prom and we all danced and sang together and it was such a beautiful experience, and this is related.

The idea in those first four pages is that everyone is talented and everyone is original and the enemy, the enemy that we must punch and kick and throw teacups at, is Criticism!!!!

And that's what I didn't understand!

Because in Surry County, we didn't do that shit! THAT's what I don't get about the internet. That's what makes me feel so weird and wrong online. That's why SimSecret gives me the heebie jeebies!!!

Because at home, we were free to be who we were. We rolled down the hill at the Washington Monument and we asked the teacher if we could go get ice cubes from the cafeteria for a snow dance to bring the snow and we decorated the Cup of Pleasantness with an ad for Lincoln's Strip Club at lunch and we made up epic stories and told them in deep redneck accents while playing putt putt and we stood in the back of Angie's truck and screamed "I'm the king of the world!" and no one ever looked down their nose at us, no one ever picked us apart, no one ever judged us.

I mean, there were little incidents here and there (like that sophomore year rejection letter), but the overall experience - the overall experience is summed up by that last dance of junior prom, when Life is a Highway was playing and we all got in a big group in front of the stage/DJ booth thing whatever and made a circle and danced and clapped and laughed and people took turns showing off their dance moves in the middle of the circle and it was beautiful and good and full of love, and that is why I am who I am. That is why I am strong and free and brave.

Because I grew up with love and acceptance. Because I didn't grow up with SimSecret bitches pointing out tiny imperfections. Because when I shared my writing, people said it was good and laughed if it was funny and cried if it was sad and no one ever rejected it.

I never learned how to dance around fragile egos and downplay my abilities so as to not threaten others because those were never skills I needed. At home we cheered and clapped when people showed off their moves in the middle of the circle. And everyone who wanted a turn got one.

This is...omg. Like I was trying to tell a friend once - when someone says they're good at something, my instinct is to cheer them on and tell them "Damn right you're good." I feel no compunction to drag them down. I don't feel like they're bragging. I don't feel like it's wrong. They're taking their turn in the middle of the circle.

What I learned, what I absorbed growing up, is that you clap and cheer and support them. That everyone has something to share, and when they share it you pay attention.

On page 8, she says:

"The only good teachers for you are those...whose attitude is: 'Tell me more. Tell me all you can. I want to understand more about everything you feel and know and all the changes inside and out of you. Let more come out.'"

And yeah, I recognized myself there. I've said something approximating that to some of you in PMs and emails. And here, I say it to all of you.

I love you. I want to know all about you. You have worth. You are beautiful. You are talented. You are original.

Take your turn in the middle of the circle and kick the uptight critics to the curb.

And I do NOT want to hear anyone saying that their writing is not good enough to post here, not worth advertising. You are here. You are alive. You are good enough. We want to hear what you have to say. We want to read your writing. We want to cheer and clap for you.

There is one thing that I will judge, one thing that I will criticize. And I think this is what I was trying to get at in that one LJ post but it came out all wrong and it didn't translate well across cultures.

Write with all of your heart and soul and brain. I don't want some cardboard cutout of you, some representation you made to appease the uptight bitch critics who need to get laid. I want you.

I don't care how good you are at dancing, if you're a beginner or a legend. I just want you to let go and give of yourself and let us give back to you.

We are here for joy, for creation, for love. Not for fear. Not for judging. Not for hate.

OMG - this woman was a prophet. Here that word that has been bugging me lately shows up.

She's talking about a drawing Van Gogh did in the margins of a letter he was writing, because he wanted to show the sky and lamppost to the person he was writing to.

"And Van Gogh's little drawing on the cheap note paper was a work of art because he loved the sky and the frail lamppost against it so seriously that he made the drawing with the most exquisite conscientiousness and care. He made it as much like what he loved as he could. You and I might have made the drawing and scratched it off roughly. Well, that would have been a good thing to do too. But Van Gogh made the drawing with seriousness and truth."

Me personally, I would have done a rough drawing. Because I can't draw. No one ever told me my drawing sucked - it's just I know I'm not good at it and it's not where my passion lies.

Ah-ha!!!

I was going to say - but I might draw sometimes just for fun!!!!

But you see - writing is where my passion lies. I write with seriousness and truth and love and the desire to show you what it is that I love so that you may love it too.

And I suppose I lost sight of the fact that a lot of people see Sims stories the way I see doodling. And I apologize to those of you who feel that way, whose passions are reserved for another art, another way of creating beauty. And I ask for your understanding that it is serious business for me.

Haha - then she quotes Van Gogh making the same damn point I did in that LJ post that everyone got all mad about.

My point is - I get it now! I see the hurt that has been done, the fear that has been instilled. I can never truly empathize, but with my experiences online, especially with SimSecret - I've had some taste of it.

Here is a space where you will not be hurt. You do not have to be afraid.

I love you. And I want to know you. I will not judge you. I will not seek out imperfections. No one here will.

This is a circle of love, and we all get our turn in the middle.

[Stacy]

Here is a link that goes right to the time in the Surry County documentary when a guy who didn't grow up here but came to hang out with Tommy Jarrell is talking about how we do things.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbcj-n3QecQ#t=14m15s

Hmmm. The video doesn't work for me. BUT! It does go ahead and load the whole thing. So what does work is moving the thingy back to the beginning and hitting play, and then when the video comes up it's all loaded so you can move it to around the 14 minute mark and see the important bit.

At 13:56 there's a guy who looks scarily like my father, except older. I wonder if it's my grandfather - he died two years before I was born.

If you don't want to watch it, here's the quote.

"Through the evening there was a tradition that would go on. One fiddler would play, and then he'd give way to the next one....so everybody would get a chance to play."

[Stacy]

I went to lie down in bed and read the book.

I am on page 70 now. I had to stop for a bit, after finishing a chapter.

I had to stop and curl into myself and shake and sob. And then I came out to the dining room and asked John if everyone in the world knew I loved them.

I read the blurb on the back cover, and it says of Brenda Ueland: "She said she had two rules she followed absolutely: to tell the truth, and not to do anything she didn't want to do."

I showed it to John and he said "So you like that book, huh?"

In this chapter, she described her writing classes. She shared the story of one person in particular, a woman who was around thirty and single and worked in a sub basement as a stenographer for nine hours a day and who was painfully shy.

And the woman wrote pure unadulterated beauty straight from her soul. One paragraph as an example:

"Out at Wayzata, Lake Minnetonka, a cold blue in color, lay stretched to the left, shivering in rolling white caps. Mirrored in its waters was the sun's golden face, haloed in an effect of glittering color."

Looking back over it to share it with you guys - I'm crying again.

She looked at the woman's writing, and she told her how it showed that she was a simple and good person who loved pretty colors and was enthusiastic and joyful "Enthusiasm! this is the sign that the creative fountain is in you" and, and, the ending was funny and the class laughed and she told the woman "You write wonderfully well, and you have humor too!" and the woman blushed and was happy and...OMG.

I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to share the beauty that is their soul and to be told that it is beautiful and to know that they are beautiful, that everything is beautiful, that existence is good and true and full of color and light.

I love you all so freaking much that it makes me cry, just sob and shake with great waves of joy that you are alive and I know you and I get to see your beauty, your lovely wonderful words that are so full of life and light.

And you have to know that. You have to know. And so I tell you, in the truest words I can find in my soul. And I write my little stories for you and I hope you enjoy them as I enjoy yours.

I do plan on getting around to 10.08. When it's time.

[jenssims]

Stacy, you're awesome. ;D

<3

[laura]

Your energy is very inspiring Stacy!

Let's not call it criticism, let's call it refinement. I don't think coming at a work of art with a critical eye is ever encouraging. Art can be refined though. The best feedback I ever get is from people who know what I'm trying to do, appreciate that, and want to help me make it better.

It sounds like a great book!