The Coupling Trap

[dinuriel]

I was IMing with one of my friends from home the other day, and he told me that he'd been rereading a few of the things I'd written. I asked what he thought, and this is what he said:

"I like the plot, I like the characters, and I like the writing, but by the end of the story, all your characters are paired up! It's not a major thing, it's just kind of unrealistic. At least a few of the major-ish characters should still be single at the end."

I thought about what he said and went over some offline works to try to fix this, but all I could think was "Noooo, I like those two together!" no matter what couple I tried to ax. It's like I don't like to see my characters lonely (which is weird because I don't make a huge deal out of romantic relationships in real life).

Does anyone else have this problem? Do you actively force yourself not to pair up characters, or do you just go with it? What do you feel is a good personal limit?

[thelunarfox]

Huh, that's an interesting observation. I wonder if that's just something that comes out of writing stories that we share? Romance stories are fun to consume; it's like having a team to root for.

I don't really think about it, but my characters rarely get paired off neatly if at all. Like Rachel pointed out once, healthy relationships in Ruin are rare, lol. Even in my sims games, I have sims that just never really settle down, though I do have quite a few happy families with kids and grandkids.

[dinuriel]

Heheh... is there a happy family in Ruin?

I know that with Naroni, it's at least partially a time period thing. Even if people weren't head-over-heels in love, they still got married for reasons of convenience back in the day (granted, most of the couples in that particular story seem to at least tolerate each other). I can't use that excuse for some of my other stuff, though.

You might be right about the sharing thing--generating "ships", perhaps. What interests me is that this turns up in my mostly-private offline stuff too.

[celebkiriedhel]

I have people in my game that stay single all their lives for different reasons. I also have couples. And single parent families. Hmmm.

I think we as humans are genetically engineered to pair off - at least for a one night stand, making babies and continuing the species, etc. Then we've got all the intimacy, and love, and so on that is very attractive to it as well. It's not surprising that most books have some sort of discussion around that point, even if it's not the main theme. (I'm thinking Agatha Christie here too!)

So it's kind of not surprising, if we're writing stories with happy endings, that there is pairing up. Although I did hear that one of the problems with Stephanie Myers work is that everyone pairs up. Even the ones who should spend the rest of their wolfy-lives pining romantically.

But looking at Naroni - you don't have completely happy pairings, at least not up to where I've been. And you do have lots of deaths to give it flavour.

Personally I wouldn't worry about it too much. The other side of it is of course - that guys rarely get the whole reading about relationships thing. They're not that interested. Preferring stuff about action, death and risk. Which is stuff I don't particularly get.

Kiri

[laura]

Oooh, fascinating discussion!

In the way my stories go at least, and in real life too, I think everyone is bound to be in a relationship at some point, and out of one at another. It's rare someone finds the love of their life at 18, settles down, and lives happily ever after. (Or at least in LH it's rare - Mwahahahaha!!!!)

But then I think it was Nicole (Heredon Cove) who was talking about in her babble thread, that if we truly reflected the real life break up rate of relationships, the stories would just be too goddamn depressing, lol!

That said though, I do try to reflect in my stories that not everybody is in a happy relationship. I mean really, just look at Jodie But also, a lot of my main characters are not in technical relationships right now. Most of them were at one point (unless they're very young), but that relationship didn't work out, and now they're single.

I also have a lot of fun exploring the non-technical relationships between people too though, and I think that holds me off pairing everybody up very quickly.

[Stacy]

Oct 27, 2010 4:14:35 GMT -5 @celebkiriedhel said:

I have people in my game that stay single all their lives for different reasons. I also have couples. And single parent families. Hmmm.

I think we as humans are genetically engineered to pair off - at least for a one night stand, making babies and continuing the species, etc. Then we've got all the intimacy, and love, and so on that is very attractive to it as well. It's not surprising that most books have some sort of discussion around that point, even if it's not the main theme. (I'm thinking Agatha Christie here too!)

So it's kind of not surprising, if we're writing stories with happy endings, that there is pairing up. Although I did hear that one of the problems with Stephanie Myers work is that everyone pairs up. Even the ones who should spend the rest of their wolfy-lives pining romantically.

But looking at Naroni - you don't have completely happy pairings, at least not up to where I've been. And you do have lots of deaths to give it flavour.

Personally I wouldn't worry about it too much. The other side of it is of course - that guys rarely get the whole reading about relationships thing. They're not that interested. Preferring stuff about action, death and risk. Which is stuff I don't particularly get.

Kiri

OMG - the last Twilight book was weird and disturbing. In many ways.

I've taken silly little "what gender is your brain?" quizzes online, and I generally end up getting something like 60% male and 40% female. I can see that.

Thus why my comments on other people's stories aren't in-depth musings on the relationships like a lot of the other comments and also why, although I love Jane Austen and the Brontes and read Gone with the Wind five times in a row when I was 12, I don't go looking specifically for romance genre books.

And I do believe I am constitutionally incapable of writing a story with a happy ending.

I think I could write a character without a partner if a character like that came along and wanted me to tell their story.

As for what I go with in my work - my rule is to always, always, listen to the story. It knows what it wants. I do not put my own limits or expectations or rules on it. What happens happens, and my job is just to channel it through my fingers.

[Stacy]

Oct 27, 2010 6:29:19 GMT -5 @laura said:

Oooh, fascinating discussion!

In the way my stories go at least, and in real life too, I think everyone is bound to be in a relationship at some point, and out of one at another. It's rare someone finds the love of their life at 18, settles down, and lives happily ever after. (Or at least in LH it's rare - Mwahahahaha!!!!)

LOL - John and I met and started dating when we were 18. Eleven years ago now. You know - he was my first consensual kiss and I'm pretty sure I was his first kiss of any sort.

I shall have to hug him and tell him he's a rare find.

[drew]

Van,

another interesting topic.

To answer your question, I just go with it. I put two sims together I think might be interesting, but I also observe them in the game, how many bolts, how they interact, if the fireworks go off, I start to consider to make them a couple. I have put two together, then changed my mind, so I write it into the story. Heck, I just had two guys hit it off in a big way in the game, so yes, I am considering making them a couple. To me, that is half the fun, pairing off the characters, the power!

Then, there is the conundrum of putting a couple together, they are happy...then what? Drama wise, unless you break them up or insert a tragedy or another outside force to pull them in all different directions, I find there is not much you can show. You don't want to beat your readers over the head with the happy scenes. At least, I try not to. *Snort*

[thelunarfox]

Oct 27, 2010 4:04:47 GMT -5 @illandrya said:

This really got me thinking. I don't think I've paired off anyone I didn't intend to (yet), but I often catch myself thinking "oh, I wonder if I could pair off A with B, they'd make a cute couple". If it enhanced the story I probably would jump right in and go for it.

You know, come to think of it, I have done this and sometimes I get some interesting stories from it. The couple doesn't always work. Like one side has more power than the other so they're lopsided, and something comes out of it.

It's not always romantic, and sometimes it changes other stories because it changes how some characters react to each other.

[dinuriel]

As far as Sims that I've actually played go, a lot of them were either serial monogamists or never settled--I got bored with making their lives picture perfect

Can't remember the last time I actually played Sims, but I did do something like that when I started my first story. I made a bunch of married couples and watched them interact with free will on, just to figure out what sort of dynamics to give them. My other stories--Ashelia, for example--had preset couples long before I actually started making sims.

But yeah, I agree. If the story centers around a romantic relationship, there's going to have to be some sort of tension within it. I don't read much romance (these days, I don't read much of anything besides people's online work and textbooks--just not enough time), but that seems to be the case; wouldn't want three hundred pages of uninterrupted HAPPY.

That being said, I have no qualms about pairing up everyone right before the end of a non-romance story, if only implicitly. Trying to cut back on that, but it's like willing oneself not to blink :S

[laura]

Oct 27, 2010 11:32:36 GMT -5 @thelunarfox said:

Oct 27, 2010 4:04:47 GMT -5 @illandrya said:

This really got me thinking. I don't think I've paired off anyone I didn't intend to (yet), but I often catch myself thinking "oh, I wonder if I could pair off A with B, they'd make a cute couple". If it enhanced the story I probably would jump right in and go for it.

You know, come to think of it, I have done this and sometimes I get some interesting stories from it. The couple doesn't always work. Like one side has more power than the other so they're lopsided, and something comes out of it.

It's not always romantic, and sometimes it changes other stories because it changes how some characters react to each other.

Yes, agreed! And to be honest, I'm pretty sure most of my favorite couples weren't intended from the start. That's part of the joy of it, experiencing that exciting surprise attraction with them, that you never saw coming, and plunging into it to see whether it works or it doesn't.

It does change the story on me often too, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

[mdpthatsme]

Wow, I really have to think about this question...do I pair everyone up? Oh my!!! Well...no...I think...sub-characters generally get with other sub-characters that way they can have a history...but...main characters...now I have to decide who's a main character and not. This is mind blowing, twisting, all those things. I'll have to make a list and get back with you on this.

[dbloveshermac]

Oct 27, 2010 1:06:01 GMT -5 dinuriel said:

It's like I don't like to see my characters lonely (which is weird because I don't make a huge deal out of romantic relationships in real life).

Being single doesn't necessarily make a person (or sim!) lonely. If you really want to try ending your stories with more singles, try having them take on a kid to mentor or join a theatre troupe or be the cool uncle or something else that fulfills them and involves them in community.

It can be tempting to pair people up; I do it to my sims when I'm just playing, not storying. However, I get miffed at authors who tie up everyone neatly in a couple at the end of EVERY story.

[mdpthatsme]

Ok...so I made a list and yes I have some bachelors and bachelorettes! PHEW! I don't like everyone to be hunky dory. Uck. Unlike some sugar coated story I know...

[celebkiriedhel]

I have two books that are in various states of writes, and have been languishing. I went back and had a look at them...

In one - the main characters attempt to get into a stable romantic relationship and fail. In the other, there are no romantic relationships at all. Although there are friendship couplings. And lots of deaths. Lots and lots of deaths.

I have a horrible feeling that this says more about me, than I would like.

[infinitygoddess]

I must be weird because sometimes I'll kill off one of the partners and then the widower in question (it has been men thus far who have lost partners in my story series; I haven't really focused on the women as much, though they do exist!) would go out and eventually find a new lover.

But then again, in my story, it's pretty damned hard to break up because if the partner is from outside the family and they've been turned into vampires, they'll die if they turn against their host vampire (which would be their spouse) for any reason. Yeah.

[heredoncove]

Does anyone else have this problem? Do you actively force yourself not to pair up characters, or do you just go with it? What do you feel is a good personal limit?

I just go with it. I started my hood with families so everyone was already in relationships but each are in different states of calamaity. The two singles I had quickly fell into relationships mostly because I thought it fit their characters. Dina Caliente wouldn't stay single for a long time, she just wouldn't and Kal's a user who searches for easy targets.

I try not to force relationships but just let them progress naturally.

[mdpthatsme]

Nov 10, 2010 12:13:13 GMT -5 @heredoncove said:

I try not to force relationships but just let them progress naturally.

I'm totally forceful. Well then again, I'm a dictator.

[themctavishams]

Hmm... interesting topic!! I hadn't thought of that, being a trend in the sims stories and what not. Recently, all of my work has been with sims stories, so pretty much all of my characters HAVE ended up with someone. Perhaps there are a few minor characters that don't get the happy ending... but for the most part everyone else does. I know there's going to be pairing in a legacy (i mean, wouldn't be much of a legacy if there's no baby-making ) but yeah... I don't think I've written anyone who was destined to be alone. I think I'm the same way, just don't want them to be lonely.

Maybe it's the romantic in me? I should challenge myself with this... Thank you Van

[laura]

Hmmm, thinking back on this one again. I hadn't really been thinking about endings so much, considering LH doesn't really have one solid THE END to it. Even though I plan on ending it, some of the characters will go on to the spin-off and continue their stories, so it's not even really ended then.

But in terms of ending up alone, at the end of LH, I do have quite a few main characters "ending" alone. Though of course, a lot of those characters are also coming to the spin-off, so I would assume (and hope) that they wouldn't truly end up alone forever.

This is kind of a hard struggle for me though, because in my heart I'm kind of a happy ending kind of girl. Or at least a twisted happy ending kind of girl. But I'm writing in a genre (literary fiction) that is *highly* cynical of happy endings. Where another genre, like romance, is highly *insistent* on that happy ending. I think it's very interesting to view this question in terms of genre choice. And I'm curious as to what the ending trends are for other genres I'm not familiar with as well.

I know that not everybody in life gets their "happy ending" (in the generic husband, three beautiful kids and a dog kind of ending). But I do think everybody gets the ending that's right for them. And one of my stories in particular (my readers are going to throw tomatoes at me, I'm sure of it!) is not at all the generic happy ending, but it's the perfect ending for this character. So literary fans are going to think it's brilliant - romance fans get your tomatoes ready, lol!

So I guess, siding with my genre of choice, and the kinds of stories I aim to write, I like to think of "happy ending" in broad terms. Maybe the happiest ending is one where the character ends up alone? Or at least alone for now. It's possible.