IRL events influencing your writing?

[tesseracta]

Has anyone experienced difficulty with writing when the topic you are writing about conflicts/is opposite as to what you are currently experiencing irl?

Examples would be if you were trying to write about a birth during the death of someone you cared about, or writing a love story in the middle of a breakup?

I was curious about other's experiences and thoughts on this. Thanks in advance!

Tess

[drew]

Tesseracta,

A very good question. My life is rather dull at times, as in, not much drama. So I don't have many worries about those type of conflicts.

But being the worry wart I am, I do worry that when I do have some dramatic/tragic event in my sims story, that it may bring up painful memories for anyone who reads.
I guess I care about others feelings over my own.

I would imagine it depends on the person, some find it cathartic to write about something they just experienced, and some run screaming in the other direction. If it were me? Not sure. Would depend on the conflict~

great topic~

[laura]

Oh, you know, I probably should think about this kind of thing more than I actually do. My writing just tends to go wherever it goes, and I only think about how my readers might be sensitive to it after the fact. Oops! :\

But then, I do tend to write about topics that I have experience with, or secondary experience with, so I do hope I do them justice. I would never want to trivialize something either, and I never throw in something tragic just for the sake of stirring things up.

But hmmm, about writing conflicting experiences... well, the birth/death thing apparently doesn't get in my way. Having lost quite a few people, I tend to seek distraction in my stories when something like that happens. And thankfully, my romantic life is happy and stable, yet I'm still able to draw on past experiences to write the heartbreaking stuff.

If anything, I think I would need to avoid the same topics for a time, if I was experiencing something sensitive IRL. But opposite experiences might be a welcome distraction.

But what I do find odd sometimes is writing conflicting experiences within the same story. Like, for example, having to write Vicky's heartbreak when Dallas dumped her, while also having to write Dallas and Lucy falling in love. It's like two completely different views of the exact same story, and it kind of sends my head into a spin, lol! (Also had a bit of the same feeling with Jodie/Drew/Amelia recently.)

[tipix]

I find what goes about in my life influence my writing heavily, it's a way to explore thoughts and subjects within a safe environment.

Earlier this year I was dealing with the death of a loved one, badly at that, and I found it incredibly hard to write about anything other than growing old (thus Veronique's fascination with it colouring her narratives in my legacy). Even positive events within that period were shown in a slightly negative fashion, reading over them now, and were not easy to write.

[sb]

What goes on in my life does not affect my writing. It slows me down significantly (VERY significantly), but that's about it. I just use what I've learned and go on. I don't think I use writing as a catharsis. However, I know it can work that way, and writers who do use it can harness their stress and pain and come up with remarkable work.

I have a problem with the concern about triggering readers. (BTW, I hate that term, triggering.) I am not trivializing trauma: believe me, I know what it feels like. But, if, as a writer, you want to explore some of these experiences, do you have to offer the reader consolation as you write? Do you have to experience assault/rape/death/rank infidelity in order to write about it and avoid being insensitive? I don't understand.

If this comes off as cold and heartless, it's not meant that way.

[laura]

Beth, that's a good question. I wonder about that too.

I'm not saying one way or the other how it should be, but I know that in the paid publishing world, if you write a story that strongly focuses on something (like race, or an experience like rape) and have never been any of those things, people will ask questions about it. I think writers can (and have!) pulled it off before, but they are usually sneered at until they claim heavy research. Which is a bit intimidating. I mean, we're writing fiction here, not memoirs. Though I guess a little research never hurt anyone.

Though if you consider historical fiction, none of us living right now have experienced any of those things. So all we can do is use our closest experiences to empathize with the feelings. Fair enough, IMO. I have written about things in LH that I haven't experienced personally (even second-hand), and I wouldn't take them back.

On the sensitivities: I've never offered any apologies in mine until after the fact. (Case in point, cancer story.) But I came to realize that if I warned for that, and warned before every new topic I write about, would I have to put a warning up for everything? I'd have one on every entry, lol!

Instead, I have some topic warnings listed in my newbies guide. And dude, I listed *everything*! Beyond that then, I'll consider it read at your own risk, I guess.

So no, I don't consider it cold or heartless. Though I do wonder if maybe they're all considering me cold and heartless as well?

ETA: Illandrya, you beat me to it! Yes, ditto that. Journals are a great source as well.

[sb]

probably ought to delete that post...it came off all wrong. I really wasn't thinking about any particular writer avoiding any particular subject. I don't tackle most of the really hard stuff, no matter whether I've had first hand experience or not, because it just doesn't fit with what I want to write. So please, forgive me if I offended. And you're right, Laura. Published works open the writer up to a lot of scrutiny, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[dinuriel]

For the most part, I'm very good about keeping the aspects of my life separate. Happenings in real life almost never affect the content of my writing; they may inhibit the quality, or may affect my speed somehow, but the actual content doesn't get touched.

But yeah, I definitely don't think you have to experience something firsthand in order to write about it. If you did, all of my stories would be boring as hell, and not even in an nice, mindlessly fluffy way :S

I do worry about triggering people sometimes, because I know I tend to write about controversial stuff on occasion--and since my main Sims story is timeline-based, there is a ton of death and I can't guarantee that those posts won't fall during hard times in my readers' lives. I do try to do the controversial stuff justice (I'll admit that I have an aversion to research, but I can force myself to temporarily get over it if I have to), but I know that won't necessarily help someone who's prone to triggering, so sometimes I do throw up a warning at the top of the post just in case.

The problem with that, however, is that I don't want to spoil anything for all the other readers, so usually the warnings are a lot more vague than they should be--in which case, I do apologize for any triggers, but I have no idea how else to go about it.

[Stacy]

Nov 24, 2010 17:57:06 GMT -5 @sb said:

What goes on in my life does not affect my writing. It slows me down significantly (VERY significantly), but that's about it. I just use what I've learned and go on. I don't think I use writing as a catharsis. However, I know it can work that way, and writers who do use it can harness their stress and pain and come up with remarkable work.

I have a problem with the concern about triggering readers. (BTW, I hate that term, triggering.) I am not trivializing trauma: believe me, I know what it feels like. But, if, as a writer, you want to explore some of these experiences, do you have to offer the reader consolation as you write? Do you have to experience assault/rape/death/rank infidelity in order to write about it and avoid being insensitive? I don't understand.

If this comes off as cold and heartless, it's not meant that way.

What term would you prefer? I use it just because it's what I've learned, but I'm open to new words.

As a person who has been "triggered" by reading material - I don't think the author owed me anything. He can write what he wants to write, and really I knew better than to read it - I mean, the TV Tropes page for the Song of Ice and Fire series makes me sick to my stomach. So I knew what I was getting into.

I must admit it was pride that led to the fall - I read a comment from someone saying Martin had great sentences and description and that they wanted to be as good as him one day, and so I had to see if he was better than me or not. If you ask me, from the bit I read - he's not.

And it wasn't the sexual abuse that bothered me - it's that it was written completely as a physical description, with no consequences, no reactions, no insight into the thoughts and feelings of either the girl or her abuser, no moral quandaries, nothing other than the guy feeling her up. I admit I didn't read any further so maybe I don't have the correct context, but it really did feel to me like the reader was supposed to identify with the abuser and get off on it.

Actually a while ago I bought a Lolita-esque book. Totally from the POV of the abuser. But it is written more to explore feelings and thoughts and ideas. It's not straight up porn. Can't say I've had fun reading it (although damn, it's got some nice sentences), but it hasn't "triggered" me. Also, the narrator is narrating from jail and it totally deals with reactions, repercussions, context, etc.

What really truly bothered me about the Martin was my husband reading it - didn't really like the idea of being married to someone who would get off on the idea of abusing a little girl. We talked about it, once he got over making it all about him and whining about how I had such "disdain" for things that he liked (I swear - I told him about what happened to me a month after we started dating and it definitely came up again, in ways I imagine he hasn't forgotten, and he had no idea why I was upset with the book?), and he assured me that he did not get off on it.

Which I obsessively googled reviews of Martin's work after that, and it seems like a ton of people got nothing more from it than "Oooh, dude's all 'gritty' and 'realistic' and not stereotypical fantasy!" So you know - my interpretation is totally biased based on my experiences and personality, and maybe it's really not written as porn. I don't know. I did find one person who commented that he had a really good imagination and so for him reading Martin was as good as playing child porn in full color on a big projection scene, though.

I am responsible for my own media consumption. I know what to stay away from - it's pretty easy to tell what will set me off. Other creators aren't my babysitters, and I don't expect them to cater to me and make the world safe for me and my issues. If I stumble on their work, I'm allowed to have an opinion. I'm allowed to be offended or upset or disgusted. I'm allowed to bring that up in a public space and start a discussion about it. But I'm not allowed to censor them.

I didn't realize until months after I finished Valley that other Sims story authors warned for death. I never even thought of warning for death. I'm still not sure if I would. I did finally add a general warning to the sticky post on the blog and it mentions that things I write will probably include death.

Someone from SheWrites started following me on Twitter, and I've been looking around her blog. Her house burned down, along with a lot of her neighborhood, in a wildfire a few months ago, and her blog is all about the trauma of that and recovering from it. I can't help but wonder what she would think of my work. Or of all the jokes we make around here about Seth and his penchant for burning down houses.

I've always worried about someone who lost a loved one to fire stumbling on Valley. But you know - I'm not going to change who Seth is and what my story is about. If we have to water down all of our art and take anything out that could possibly remind someone of a trauma or cause a specialized rare phobia to flare up, we'd be left with nothing but tapioca pudding. And then I'm sure some people have allergies to tapioca pudding.

Life sucks sometimes, and it sucks in different ways for everyone and leaves us all with our own personal issues and neuroses. And then we all work those out in our own ways. Maybe the same work that triggers me helped the artist deal with his or own issues, who knows. Like in my example - Valley and 10 would probably trigger the hell out of someone who'd been traumatized by fire, but I haven't cut since I started writing and Seth and his stories are my way of dealing, my way of staying healthy.

I think that there is a balance between respecting the feelings of others and being true to yourself. Go too far one way and you're an insensitive asshole, go too far the other and your art is weak and conforming and doesn't say anything and just sort of lies there jiggling about like Jello pudding. Speaking of which - we have some chocolate Jello pudding in the fridge. But I won't get any, because John is doing the dishes and I am respecting his feelings and not getting a spoon dirty right now.

Of course, I imagine we all also have our own definitions of where that balance is, or even if there should be a balance. And I guess all you can do is walk your own beam and hope you don't fall off.

Posting this now and then responding to Tesseracta's actual question, lol.

[sb]

I apologize. I'm very sorry.

[infinitygoddess]

Speaking as a lesbian, a sexual assault survivor, and a feminist who believes in equal rights, I do tend to use those as an influence in my writing.

For example, with Mikhailachev Manor, particularly with the prequels (and even some of the Main Story and some of the sequels as well), LGBT issues are at the forefront because many of the characters are gay or bisexual. Some of my characters have been victims of sexual assault and have been affected by that (and of course there is always a way where I make the villains pay somehow for what they do; they never get away with it forever).

Right now, one of the most recent chapters in The Beginning has it where Sergei and Sacha must deal with the fact that their son's teacher is teaching Alexander how to be a homophobe in the making. Sacha is naturally freaked out because he had to deal with an abusive childhood where his father and his brothers attempted to beat the gay out of him (as portrayed in The Road From Romanov). Sergei isn't thrilled, either, but he keeps a cool head and explains to Alexander why a gay slur isn't a nice thing to say and that his teacher is in the wrong for saying such a thing in front of him.

(The teacher in question, of course, is also wrong for saying in front of Alexander that it's wrong that he has two fathers as opposed to a mother and a father. Sadly, that tends to happen in real life, where people have used children as an excuse to discriminate against gay people.)

[celebkiriedhel]

Beth - you're not being offensive. Different people have different experiences, and some things will make more sense when you have experience in that than to other people. How I'm reading your post, is that it doesn't make sense to you, not that it's trying to be offensive.

I actually think it's a good thing to talk about - because it leads to responsibility in writing. And that's something we all have to struggle with to find our happy medium.

---

I have my own demons. And I do write about them. Almost obsessively at times. There is stuff that can trigger other people, and there's stuff that can trigger me. But I still write it, and I still offer it up for reading.

But I do make it clear what the content is, to give people a choice. I believe that is what a writer can do. And that is ALL the writer needs to do. The reader is responsible for the choices they make. The writer is responsible for following the story where it leads.

I don't think you need to experience everything to be able to write about it - for example - I've never been married, but I'm still writing about a married couple. I've never had a child - but I'm still writing about a daughter. You don't have to be into heavy research - what you have to do is make it logical and realistic as far as it goes. If you write about something in-depth then it needs in-depth research, if you write about something on it's way to something else, you can wing it. That's the way it goes.

And that's the same for any type of writing - regardless of whether it's based on traumatic experiences or not.

Personally - I can't help but write about the things that are obsessively on my mind. But that's how I am. I get that other people are different.

[thelunarfox]

"Trigger" is an ugly word, but I don't know of another word to use in place of it. I even looked it up on Thesarus.com and didn't really see anything that works in that context.

I admit that I do wonder about it sometimes when I'm writing. Well, I do wonder about it a lot. Sometimes I think it becomes obvious when I'm touching on something that someone may have actual experience with. I'm not sheltered, but I've had a pretty damn good life so far, and I know that. So I do think it's more likely that I will inadvertently hit on something that may trigger someone. And it's awkward for me to write about something like a murder when someone is dealing with a death (which has happened once so far).

Things don't really throw me in real life though. Writing is cathartic for me. When I was sad or hurt, I've always ended up writing more, but I'll usually write about the event, exploring it and my thoughts and reactions to it.

[Stacy]

Nov 24, 2010 12:24:09 GMT -5 tesseracta said:

Has anyone experienced difficulty with writing when the topic you are writing about conflicts/is opposite as to what you are currently experiencing irl?

Examples would be if you were trying to write about a birth during the death of someone you cared about, or writing a love story in the middle of a breakup?

I was curious about other's experiences and thoughts on this. Thanks in advance!

Tess

*hugs*

And err - I took a nap for a while and then came to post a bit before bed, and I just realized - I don't have an answer to this.

Other than part of why it took so long to write Farmer Brown is because I couldn't really get into writing fall weather at the height of summer when I first had the idea.