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Post by jennifer on Apr 2, 2011 3:38:49 GMT -5
CSOM: Stalling. Not sure why. But I get waaaay too distracted when I'm on the internet. It's like seeing something shiny. lol Kiri - I hope your feeling better soon. Being sick is the pits.
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 2, 2011 11:33:43 GMT -5
Get well sonn Kiri.
CSOM: Well rested for the first time all week. Happy that I have extra hours at work, 2and half to 3 days paid till the end of August, with probably more coming after that. Still flip flopping over if I want to start the open university degree in Buisness studies. I missed the deadline for financial support but that wouldn't have given me much off anyway, but if I start this module now it's going to be cheaper than waiting till the summer. I just don't know if I have brains to this now. If I have the intellectual capability of studing left in me. Plus it's going to use most of my savings up. Some of the core modules won't start till next Jan anyway. And what if I spend all that money around 6 thou I think and it doesn't get me anywhere. Not that I'm getting anywhere anyway. But I don't know if I have more ambition than being anything other than a receptionist or secretary or something. But then something will happen and for a breif time I know I want something more, something with a ladder to climb. I hinted to my mum at one point that I wast thinking of doing a degree well sort of hinted but she said there was no point doing one. But I don't know. I mean have the intellect to face ooking into changing bank accounts or switching money from a 30 day notice account which I would have to do. But wouldn't it be great to say I had a degree. I always wanted one. I was never an option in my head that I wouldn't go to uni. Although I never thought I'd fail/drop out of it when I did. And my brother's there talking about doing his masters. I just don't know about anything anymore.
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dinuriel
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Torturing characters? Me? Nooo...
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Post by dinuriel on Apr 3, 2011 2:27:21 GMT -5
Take care of yourself, Kiri
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 3, 2011 8:16:29 GMT -5
CSOM: Furious. Windows Media Player isn't working, it's not registering as a programme on the computer but when I try to reinstall it it says it's there. Something similar happenned last year with all Microsoft Office things, and when bro fixed it he broke the computer as he didn't do it right, I so didn't want to have to reboot the comp back to it's factory settings.
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Post by mdpthatsme on Apr 3, 2011 12:20:16 GMT -5
CSOM: groggy
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choco
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Post by choco on Apr 7, 2011 3:02:45 GMT -5
CSOM: so nauseated. I've been in bed all day yesterday because my stomach wasn't agreeing with the cereal I had yesterday, despite the fact that I've had it hundreds of times before. I feel a little better but I'm still rather weak and want nothing to do with food for a while. :sick:
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 7, 2011 13:47:07 GMT -5
CSOM:Disapointed that nothing really properly surprised me today, and that the one thing I thought would happen hasn't.
Hope your stomach settles soon Choco.
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Post by jennifer on Apr 8, 2011 6:47:52 GMT -5
CSOM: Glad.... that this week is over. It has been a very trying one. I think someone 'up there' might be testing us.
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Post by muzegoddess on Apr 8, 2011 10:48:39 GMT -5
CSOM: Glad as hell it's Friday. Overwhelmed by all the family in town. Trying not to be petty about silly situations that are not that serious. Happy to be alive.
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 8, 2011 12:42:16 GMT -5
Don't you enjoy family reunions? I love mine, we haven't seen dad's side in 6 years, or mum's in 3. But I only met mum's side once before that about 11 years before that.
CSOM: I need to be banned from visiting ebay. I've become addicted to looking for baby clothes.
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choco
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Post by choco on Apr 8, 2011 17:08:58 GMT -5
Thanks for the well wishes. My stomach is feeling better. A little weak but I definitely don't feel like throwing up whenever I smell food now so that's a bonus.
CSOM: disappointed. I just checked the status for one of the schools I applied for and they had the whole "I regret to inform you" line. I wish I could go there because it's close and tuition would have been more affordable. Balls. I just wish they would refund me the application fee. It wasn't cheap, especially for someone who isn't even working.
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Post by Stacy on Apr 8, 2011 22:09:57 GMT -5
Hopelessness. Despair. Rage.
I really was getting better. I really was. To the point where I was thinking of trying to write fiction this weekend.
But then I tried to talk to John and Grace about my struggle with the line between ignorance and evil, and John really did try to be helpful and actually discuss, but then Grace went all "I know you want 'justice' and all...." in this really condescending tone and basically said "The world sucks and will never be right and you will just have to watch your mother suffer and watch humans and dolphins and forests and the world die and you're not even allowed to be angry at those responsible for it."
So why even live, then? Seriously. If there's no hope and no right to anger and I just have to sit here and take injustice, why even live? If life is only destruction and violence and selfishness and corruption, then what's the freaking point of breathing?
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 9, 2011 9:44:17 GMT -5
Stacey there is hope, it's just that one single person can't change anything. It takes big groups of people, and even then the large organisations like Greenpeace or whatever still struggle to get heard, because it's ultimatly up to the people in charge of the country and even then it needs more than country/state to band together to change anything hence why United Nations never gets anything done because nobody can agree on anything, as different countries have their different needs. But really when you think about it a lot has been done to change animal rights with the endangered species list, and limiting the amount of fish/whales etc that people can harvest, although controversary over the effectiveness of the fishing quotos is up in the air seeing as they kill the fish and then throw away all the extra dead fish over their quoto which is really just as bad. There is hope, it just takes a long time to do anything with that hope. And you do have a reason to breathe. You have a husband and daughter who love you. And your daughter at least should be a reason for you to live.
CSOM: Irritated that my music player won't connect with the comp so I can't add my new cd to it. Or work out what I should delete to add the new cd to it.
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Post by Galatea on Apr 10, 2011 9:41:21 GMT -5
Fuzzy-headed. Waiting for these pain-killers to kick in so I can get some sleep.
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lepifera
Junior Member
"....."
Posts: 93
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Post by lepifera on Apr 11, 2011 9:27:17 GMT -5
CSOM: Data recovery Mode. Rebooting.
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Post by Stacy on Apr 11, 2011 21:43:22 GMT -5
At Grace's concert tonight phrases and rhymes actually started running through my head.
I don't know - I'm so torn. It's just - it's really not comfortable or easy or conducive to writing fiction to watch your country descend into a fascist nightmare. Especially when you know that you will not survive fascism, that you will either kill yourself or the state will kill you. Preferably the second, while protesting - revolutionary suicide over reactionary suicide, always. As the Libyans say, being a martyr to freedom is the best way to end your life.
And don't think it won't happen - a Republican official did suggest clearing the Wisconsin capitol with live ammunition. He lost his job for it, but still - that's the way they think. One day we will go out into the streets in large enough numbers to actually do something, and on that day we will see how far they're willing to go. Knowing how soulless and ideologically insane they are - I fully expect them to issue the order to kill people. The question is if that order will be followed.
But at the same time, alongside this black death, these psychopathic tea baggers who want to kill you, whether by outright violence or by depriving you of any sort of social support or ability to afford basic necessities, there is spring. There is the blue sky and the green grass and the budding trees and the birds and the complete and utter goodness of the world, and Seth, and the words and meters and rhythms spinning through my head.
One must march on. Revolutionary suicide, not reactionary suicide. Die fighting. And at the moment, far away from any current protests and no resources to get to them (certainly can't get to the occupation of the Washington state capitol as it's on the other side of the country, for instance) - perhaps writing 10 is an act of defiance I can engage in at the moment?
Like - I will not let you kill my creativity. I will not let you kill my soul. I will not be a number to work mindlessly for you 12 hours a day seven days a week until I die at 45. I will have a soul. I will have a mind. I will be creative. And I will give that creativity away for free, because damn you and your money to the deepest circle of hell.
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lepifera
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"....."
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Post by lepifera on Apr 11, 2011 22:49:23 GMT -5
Perhaps life is a much harder choice than death. Dying may not be an effective way to bring about changes. There are many tenacious writers who choose to live and write.
Between black and white, there are shades of gray, which give life its many textures.
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Post by Joseph on Apr 12, 2011 16:41:18 GMT -5
CSOM: Bored as hell because of stupid darn media coursework. I thought I'd enjoy this piece but no vibes from that.
Also feeling nagged because my Muse wants to start writing the next chapter of Tenebridge which I haven't even planned yet.
Tired out after a coursework oriented day
And finally dreading going to school for extra maths tomorrow. Has to be done though to get my grades up.
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 13, 2011 15:59:06 GMT -5
CSOM: I have this terrifying deflating feeling that I just spent 380 pounds (my pound sign doesn't work) on a module for a degree that I'm suddenly very worried about doing. But it will be the right thing in the long run I think. I mean I have it in me to do a degree right? I have the intellectual capability I think.
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pinkfiend1
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Post by pinkfiend1 on Apr 20, 2011 12:39:39 GMT -5
CSOM: I was all excited as I'm ahead of schedule at work, and my Open University stuff came in the mail. And I was all thrilled but mum saw the package and said that it would be ok to do a module or two until I could get a permanent job then I could give it up. It's not like she's even paying for it, so if I want to spend most of savings on a degree why shouldn't I? I don't think she thinks that I will need it, but I am actually now wanting a proper job with room for a career ladder to work up and not just a job with no possibility of any advancement. I'm only 23 who would think she would be thrilled that I wanted to try and make something proper of myself.
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